Mischief at the baldchemist

happy new year to those who espouse arrogance

2007-12-31T12:22:00.000+01:00

At the risk of sounding pompous and for those that know me well, I guess I am, I wanted to share a few observations and requirements for authority, our rates and fees...
If you seek to show the world your vision and aspirations and get them accepted by those that should know better but don’t, you must always be perceived as being in the know. A leading Authority.
The critics and I have more than my fair share of them, accuse those who aspire and espouse authority, with spouting platitudes and other rubbish.
But the critics are like eunuchs in a harem. They know how it’s done; they see it done everyday but are unable to do it themselves. Which is why they become critics?

No, being forthright, confident in your articulation and communication, you can show the world what your values, aspirations, passions are.
Creating and designing is difficult to explain because it’s easy to understand. Bit like pornography really- you can’t define it but you know it when you see it. Great media, films, web sites, logos brands and adverts are constructed to render invisibility. That’s the nature of the medium.
Our media is constructed through the skillful use of visuals and linguistic elements manipulated to arrest the human intelligence long enough for it to respond positively to your business objectives.
The challenge of course is to dismantle the totality of it all and interpret how it was out together. Media, read, comprehended and works sometimes is observed no longer than a few moments but may have taken a few weeks to create and produce. Which is why you get the people who know how. You get on with what you do best.

Remember that great visionaries leave burnt trails and certainly do not appear to follow the well trodden pathways that lead to the comfortable mediocrity we are so used to these days.
Importantly, be seen to stand for something higher. Good enough should never be good enough for you because it’s dull boring and expected. Stand for achievements of real value worth, as being worth more than just money. Standing for Honesty, Integrity Contributing to humankind and its World.
Be the one who when boring people they think it’s their fault.
We have no intention of retiring from this fabulous life, for just when we think things can’t get any better – we open another bottle of celebratory Bollinger.
So when you decide to negotiate with us about our high prices remember, a company will go to the ends of the Earth to employ the right people of which our fee is about 10%. So our fee may seem high but we have calculated carefully what it takes to create and produce media that achieves its objectives and places you and your company in the finest light. . It is what it is and the successful companies that have paid our excessively high fees are more that happy with the extraordinary results. If you want a Bentley don’t expect to pay Skoda prices.
Having got that off our chests what can we do for you?

Protection for recreational sailors from whales and cephalopods at last

2007-11-05T03:00:00.000+01:00

Recent endangering of recreational sail and motor craft by whales,dolphins and other cephalopods have given rise to my interest in the researching and developement of a cephalopod deterent.
E-WACK sea-tasar system ready for deployment on coastal whale migration is under developement in the interests of safety at sea. The espousing of corporal punishment to educate whales of the dangers of approaching marine craft is, I feel a requirement.

Due to protection and an unchecked breeding programme, Whales are becoming a systemic navigation hazard along the eastern and western coasts of Australia. The degree of the hazard is rising and will continue to do so. There have been injuries to sailors,damage to valuable equipment, interference in ocean race fleets and it is only a matter of time before a life is lost.

The Electronic Whale Aversion Conditioning Kinetics (E-WACK)is to remind the whales to stay away. "Once being lightly electrocuted/shocked by the marine launched tasar, the whale reacts immediately."

Secret small scale tests on smaller cephalopods such as dolphins and porpoises in Coastal Harbours and Bass Strait have proved encouraging, with the 'zapped' creatures subsequently displaying a distinct reluctance to approach or engage in 'close proximity behaviour' with vessels.

"Dolphins display an aversion memory after only a few sea-tasar strikes; porpoises seem to require at least 4 direct full voltage strikes but the number of strikes required to embed aversion behaviour in whales varies dramatically amongst the species.

We need to experiment with electrocuting/shock treating the full cephalopod species range to calibrate the ideal level of shock required."

Experiments are continuing with the humpback whale to ascertain the correct voltage.

"The difficulty we face is simply, too high a voltage and we burn the animal flesh or worse, stun them into paralysis, which just keeps the other whales in the vicinity and brings the sharks in for a feed. Too little a charge and the whales, particularly the young males, display clear signs of physical excitement, which appears to have the opposite effect of discouraging them from 'close proximity behaviour' with vessels. "

E-WACK goal is to provide the whales with a direct life-link between boats and pain.

"No more than slapping a recalcitrant child" said Mr Leigh

The sea-tasar unit can be launched by a single crew member from the deck and the deployment apparatus weighs less than 12 kgs.

The strike range is 200 metres thus limiting the danger to the vessel while undertaking sea-tasar manoeuvrers amongst a pod of whales.

E-WACK Programme Director Raymond Leigh will be a guest on the Audi Sailors Radio Show (8:oo am – Sydney -107.3fm) this weekend to garnish support amongst the Australian sailing community. He is seeking a volunteer fleet of up to 1000 boats if possible, and the support has been amazing, to participate in a calibration programme for humpback whales scheduled to start in the 2008 northern migration.

Interested parties please make yourselves known through COMMENTS

The fight against the fat by leading expert, Professor Daly

2007-08-29T10:04:00.000+02:00

Those of you that don’t have a personal trainer, time go to the gym or just generally don’t believe in all the hype that the baldchemist espouses about fitness and fatness, can console themselves with the weekly training programme devised by the well known life style expert, Professor Liam Daly.
Professor Daly, at present ensconced somewhere at a lifestyle establishment in Double Bay, Sydney, has agreed to give exclusively to the baldchemist his personal programme.
You will note there is no need for expensive gym equipment or gym memberships. Professor Daly advocates the use of the stuff one deals with every day. His advice, learn from your surroundings.Here is Prof. Daly's programme for the retention of his condition.Repeat several times for the best results.
Monday:
Beat around the bush.
Jump to conclusions.
Climb the walls.
Wade through paperwork.
Tuesday:
Drag my heels.
Push my luck.
Make mountains out of mole hills.
Hit the nail on the head.
Wednesday:
Bend over backwards.
Jump on the band wagon.
Balance the books.
Run around in circles.
Thursday:
Blow my own horn.
Climb the ladder of success.
Pull out the stops.
Add fuel to the fire.
Friday:
Open a can of worms.
Put my foot in my mouth.
Start the ball rolling.
Go over the edge.
Saturday:
Pick up the pieces. And raise more than a few glasses to round off the week.
Professor Daly has, thanks mainly to this very strict regime, managed throughout his life, to keep in shape retaining his weight and figure constant.
Many thanks Professor, who we are led to believe holds nightly, classes in several establishments around the Eastern suburbs. We await in eager anticipation his next round of wisdom in the fight against the health freaks.
NOTA BENE.
Professor Daly does not work out on Sundays but spends the day relaxing and having a couple of well earned beers with friends before toddling off to Mass at the local ministry where he will imbibe a little wine. Allowing the body to recover before embarking on another hard work out week.

Everything you didn't know about diet advice

2007-08-08T04:11:00.000+02:00

I took the time recently to visit a lifestyle center in Double Bay, Sydney to discuss the concerns and myths around exercise and diet with one of the Worlds foremost experts on the subject, Professor Liam Daly well known bon viveur, gourmand and lifestyle guru.
The results will awaken new thoughts on diets. I'm astounded that we know so little. Thank God for the Irish.

The baldchemist. Are vegetables really good for my diet and how many should we eat on a daily basis?
Prof. Daly You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn- vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

The Baldchemist. Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
Prof. Daly. No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. So cheers and good health.

The baldchemist. How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
Prof Daly. Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

The Baldchemist. What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
Prof Daly. Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

The baldchemist. Aren't fried foods bad for you?
Prof. Daly. You're not listening.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

The Baldchemist. Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
Prof. Daly. Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

The Baldchemist. Is chocolate bad for me?
Prof. Daly. You are totally mad if you think so! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around! Fill up reqularly.

The Baldchemist. Is swimming good for your figure?
Prof Daly. If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales,whalrus and seals to me.

The Baldchemist. Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
Prof Daly. What do you think round is? It’s a shape of course!

Hopefully this will clear up the misconceptions you may have had about food, diets and what is good and bad for you.

Prof Daly. Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Bollinger in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, “ Jesus! What a f*#@*ing great ride".

Euro English the new language of the EU

2007-07-28T14:21:00.000+02:00

Saturday, July 28, 2007
Messing with the great English language

After recently receiving a letter from the Head of the Church of England, HMH Queen Elisabeth and one from the Vatican requesting, no ordering me to take a vacation and leave the church scandals alone, I have, at least for the moment decided to refrain from making any further comment on religion.

So just for a change and acting upon information from MP Jeff Straw UK Foreign Minister, that an adapted version of English is being instigated to level the playing field a little for our Germanic cousins, I decided to rejoin the Academics and report the findings.

The French, as usual are up in arms but in the interests of Egalite, this is the result:

New language standards for EU (the European Union for our American friends who don�t know anything outside of Denver and probably think its a fast food joint).

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility (they must have been kidding).

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-inplan that would become known as "Euro-English.

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer ze u,nesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve wil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Easy eh? You New Yorkers will feel at home with this. Just like Brooklyn. Those of you who are the slightest bit entreupereal will jump on the bandwagon and open a new language school immediately.

8 million New Yorkers, you have a job for life teaching Euro English. Lucky Devils. And I spent 12 years learning the Queens English- What a waste!

Apples non talking Iphone or how to keep silent

2007-07-07T03:10:00.000+02:00

The Laugh of the week for me was Apple's I phone, which it seems ain't a phone at all 'cause you cant talk on it!
Steve Jobs, Apples darling, says, " we slipped up alright, not hugely but we got carried away with the state of the art software, functions and interfaces that we forgot it was supposed to be a phone above all else".
Now, this total lack of real life interaction meant that this wasn't discovered for more than a week! Communication- forget it. Even Jobs admitted it. "in our defence, you can check your mail,text, send pictures and movie files and many more things".
That's great of course but Jobs' best statement was, and I have a huge problem as to what he alludes to ; "Talking is so yesterdays technology". Are you hearing this? TALKING IS SO YESTERDAYS TECHNOLOGY! Where on Earth are we heading?

My background to aetheism and anarchy

2007-06-30T08:58:00.000+02:00

The first time I ran away and hid was because of religion. I say this as some form of explanation to my disbelief in the almighty.
Every time something went wrong at home or in the neighbourhood the first kid to be suspected and subsequently blamed was me. Now most of the time the suspicions were well founded and its good that I now have the opportunity and the size to be able to admit it.
My parent, and it was parent because my mother had cleared off some years earlier, I assumed the result of my disobedience, decided that the local catholic priest who had the reputation of being able to handle kids and get them on the straight and narrow would be ideal to deal with me.
Now although I’m a big ugly devil these days, then I was a cute little ginger haired, freckle faced kid with a pout that worked wonders when I wanted something. The pout and the fact that my mother had cleared off, worked especially well with "the Second World War widows" living in our road, they took me to their hearts and spoilt the hell out of me.
This priest decided the same thing, but would get the hell out of me and took me into his fold.
Every day he would poke me in the nose and scream at me “Where is God?” “Where is God?”. Now as smart as I was I hadn’t the faintest idea where my mother was so why would I know where God had disappeared to?
This went on for days and I decided along with my great friend Pete Smith to run away to Sutton Coldfield and camp in the park.
Pete got fed up and went home after a couple of hours and left me alone. Two days past before a friendly copper found me and asked what I was doing.
"Have they found God yet?" I asked. "Why do you want to know?" said the copper. "Cause he’s disappeared and they are blaming me for it."

A War In Satans Name?

2007-06-29T10:55:00.000+02:00

Just about every war resulted from the struggle for markets and spheres of influence. Every war is sold to the World by professional liars who also happen to be sincere religious maniacs, (just take a look around at our beloved leaders) as a holy crusade to save God and goodness from Satan and evil. But let me ask; did anyone ever start a war in the name of Satan? Can Satan and what is perceived as evil be any worse than the brain washing we have had since Aristotle 2500 years ago?

Resistance to new information has a strong neurological foundation in all animals as studies of impunity indicate. Most animals including we domesticated primates show a staggering ability to ignore information which does not fit in with imprinted continuity- and here I allude to religion. Call it what you will but stupidity appears in all political spectrum's and societies. But tell me- When was a war started in the name of Satan and Evil? This blind following of antiquated rules passed down by word of mouth translated a thousand times has led to a World on the brink of extinction if we don't do something in the name of saving the world not just humanity but everything!

Christ, the anti christ?

2007-06-29T03:09:00.000+02:00

It dawned on me recently that perhaps and I say perhaps, we have been the victims of the biggest fraud ever. For two thousand years, we have lived under instruction and guidelines of the book and it doesn't matter who's does it? But what about if instead of Jesus being our saviour he was in fact the Anti Christ?

We have believed, that we are the crowning glory of creation thanks to the teachings of two thousand years of Christianity.

Aborigines in Australia, Africa, South America even the Indin tribes of North America knew nothing of this "saviour" before The Western missionaries took it violently to them in the name of God. Our God. Not their gods who live all around them but one omnipotent God who we arrogantly believe made us in his own image.

Over the next months I will be writing here about this with arguments against traditional teachings. You are welcome with your comments but please do not write commenting on my person. I wish only some clarification to life and its purpose. Depending upon your point of view, you may not like or agree with what I wish to articulate. So please keep your comments to objectivity. We don't need bible quotes but good solid discussion. We are not likely to find any conclusions just other visions of life. Welcome with your comments. Anonymously if you prefer.

Confessions of a "Religon Designer"

2007-06-27T06:25:00.000+02:00

I confess to have stolen more quotes and thoughts and purely elegant little starbursts of writings from the Book of Revelation than anything else in the English language. Not because I am a biblical scholar, or because of any religious faith, but because I love the wild power of the language and the purity of the madness that governs it and makes it music.

Which is why I love religion. I could make up religions all day. In an ideal world, I'd be a religion designer. I'd like people come up to me and say, "I need a religion". I'd go talk to them for awhile, and I'd design a religion for them. That would be a great job. There's a need for people like that. Fortunately, seeing that one can't actually do it, I get paid for sort of creating them anyway.

I wanted to explain my perceived anarchistic tendencies. I have a high respect for Law & Order and the need to live under some form of system that protects society. However recent events have given me a little disrespect for those that are elected to uphold the system. My disrespect for law in fact may only be the manifestation of a burning desire for justice. Order, like law, to be respected, must deserve respect. Disrespect for an order that does not deserve respect ought not to be condemned as degeneration, but commended as a healthy regeneration. What concerns me is that lawyers and judges too often regard "order" as a shield for the protection of privilege.

However with the new breed of visionaries, those who want change and are prepared to make change happen, then I believe we can get what, as I see it, a world fit for all to live in. A world that really is egalitarian. Dare to challenge the convenient status quo and all the elitism it brings. Question the bastards at every opportunity because soon the world will be so full of pollution and disease that it won't matter who makes the decisions.

a thought for our times

2007-06-25T07:34:00.000+02:00

To anyone of any thoughtful substance, it is bloody obvious that our world is in serious trouble.
We are heading towards destruction due to the human race's treatment of nature, climate change, religious dogma and zealousness.

The solutions lie surely with the foundation of some form of reality and truth rather than myths and religious customs. These myths and dogma have led invariably to conflicts, confusion and harm unrivalled throughout our evolution.

The greatest scandal of course is, that those so dogmatically convinced that a God no one can agree on will save them! Who will be saved? The Jew? The Muslim? The Buddhist? The Hindu? The Catholic? The Mormon? The Christian? All believe that they will be the ones! Well someone is wrong aren't they? While the world perishes-they are still arguing about it!

Philosophically waxing lyrical about whether or not this world exists. Being or existing? Arguments about being or existence are founded on the relation of cause and effect. Based upon and derived from experiences and customs forced upon us by the power hungry megalomaniacs of the churches.

Every matter of fact beyond what is immediately memorable and makes sense is the result of ancient fears. Today's discoveries correspond to fact, reality and truth- then we should totally disregard and discard all previous knowledge. Such as it was.

On the subject of thinking - talking and philosophysing, there are two rules to philosophy;

1. For every philosopher there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

2. They are both wrong.

The Misfits of Society

2007-06-20T10:37:00.000+02:00

Now since I have been writing here, which is about 18 months, I have received many comments. Some complimentary some out and out abusive calling me things from “the devils own work”, arrogant, loud mouthed and opinionated. Some wag even asked if I thought of myself as God. Who am I to pass judgment on others work?

Of course those passing opinions, mostly anonymously, usually quote from others work- phrases from the likes of Nietzsche, Plato, Einstein, and Aldous Huxley or from “The Celestine Prophesies” of course “TheBible” et al. Hardly ever an original thought of their own but quick to jump onto anything that doesn’t conform to what they have read elsewhere.

However, and believe me I am not making myself out to be a genius, only to having opinions that often don’t fall in with conformity, I would like to raise my glass high to we crazy ones, we misfits, we troublemakers, the round pegs in square holes, who see the crap going on around us, don’t want it and fight for the difference.

We dislike authority and the megalomania, delusions of grandeur and narcissism that often accompany it. We have little respect for the comfortable status quo and the mediocrity that qualifies it.

Quote us, glorify us, disagree with us, vilify us, even agree with us if you wish, but ignore us at your peril because we attempt to change things – to push humanity forward.

While some may think we are crazy, we see genius because the people who think they can change things are the people who can and will change the world- and my god doesn’t it need changing?

Those with a clean conscience sure have lousy memories. If you have some empathy with these words then do us all a favour and push it onto your friends. Let’s get some serious changes made. Starting with the Planet and all the shit we are pushing into it!

Leave your views on www.thebaldchemist.com

The busiest Cobbler in the World

2007-06-12T10:56:00.000+02:00

Having just bought a beautiful art deco house, a few things needed fixing. The floor boards as lived on, aged and full of secrets as they were, needed desperate attention.
Ripping up the first two boards revealed an old shoe box lying amongst the cobwebs and dust.
Treasure I thought, but no, just a safe keeping of old receipts. Why it was hidden- no idea but there amongst the pile was a shoe repair docket. From 1958! Now as luck would have it, the shop was still there, passed down from father to son through five generations.
Out of strong curiosity I decided to find out whether or not the shoes had been collected or not.
The old man looked hard and long through the glasses perched on the end of his nose, at the docket.
"Hang on I'll go and have a look". Four or five minutes past before he returned to tell me " they would be ready next Thursday"!

The Benefit of a Goalless Life

2007-06-06T06:06:00.000+02:00

Ever thought about living your life without any goals? It’s called Action without Intent. Paradoxical really because adhering to goals creates a state of anxiety, where we structure our physical and mental life either be a success or a failure. If we succeed- we’re pleased- if we fail- we suffer. This Yo-Yo of emotions seems normal to us, but it is precisely what The Buddha was talking about when he spoke of Dukkha, or suffering. The message here is that we don’t have to bounce around like that – there is another state of mind without suffering.

But without goals, we’d never do anything worthwhile would we?! We’d just laze around, drink beer and watch TV! Sounds good to me.

Once again the paradox is that someone with no goals can never be lazy – their life is always active and participatory.

With goals, we are transient between times of energetic activity, trying to accomplish our aspirations and expectations. Times of stress-relief, where we escape into television, alcohol, music, holidays, or chilling.

Even TV, booze and other established stress relievers aren’t necessarily wrong but when used to take the edge off the day it’s a sure sign that something is seriously wrong with your day.

Provoking the question- How can accomplish something with out goals?

Imagine that you have a pile of dishes in the sink. There are two ways to look at the task of doing the dishes.

First, which represents our usual method, we look at the dishes, sigh, and roll up our sleeves. They have to be done, after all! But since we really don’t want to do them, we have a resistance to the task. We want to finish the dam things as soon as possible, so that we can move on to more worthwhile activities. So we create goals. Get the dishes done quickly! Which gets very frustrating when we encounter that burnt crusty area on the pot that just refuses to budge, or we drop a wine glass and have to take extra time picking up the shards of glass in the sink. Working ourselves into frenzy in the process.

Finishing the dishes is very similar to many other goals in our lives, because it promises something better when the goal is accomplished. We feel that when we get into the perfect love relationship, or attain financial independence, or get our degree, or retire – when our goal is attained, we can really start Living. Until then, we just have to make the best of a mediocre situation.

But there are other ways of approaching the dish washing task! Walk over, and we just get the job of doing the dishes done. You don’t have to get them done. Just wash the dish we’re washing, simple. Paying attention to doing the dishes actually gets the job done faster. And, because we’re being mindful, we probably won’t break the wine glass. Actually accomplishing the goal more efficiently because we weren’t intent on finishing.

Living this way, maybe I’ll just do one dish. With no goal in mind, I’m free to make the choice, perfectly free to do that. No standards to adhere to whatsoever, makes it easy to embark on tasks in the first place, but it also means that I’ll probably end up doing them all anyway. Why? Because when my mind isn’t distracted with all the things it could be doing, it concentrates on what is actually going on. Believe it or not, washing the dishes is an amazing experience. That is, it’s an amazing experience if we are actually there when we’re doing them.

Much of life is like washing dishes – the only way we can be irritated is if our mind is focused on results, on the future, or on our many goals and aspirations. Focusing on these things does not make us more productive – it actually makes us less productive because we’re spending the majority of our energy in constant patterns of circular thought and worry. If we experience the Now, we find that the only really important moment is the one we’re in.

This requires a complete overhaul of our learned way of functioning. We can believe that these teachings and indoctrinations are the only methods to get things completed in this World. Then, suddenly, we’ll be doing the dishes and we’ll recognise that the only thing that makes unpleasantness is that we’re eager to get the job done! That’s when, a revelation that- for the first time in our lives, we’ll actually wash the dishes, realising that this is what we’ve been missing out on our whole lives! We’ve ignored the actual sensation of Living and instead focused on the fantasy of our imagination. – all the futures that may or may not take place. Sadly, even if those futures do come to be, we won’t be there to enjoy them, because we’ll never have learned to experience where we are now.

Whether you’re doing the dishes, preparing for the biggest business presentation of your life, or approaching your own death, there is only one place to be – Now – the place where everything is actually going on. Enjoy it and live just live for life.

Confessions of an addicted thinker

2007-06-04T17:13:00.000+02:00

I never wanted to be a thinker. I was happy just to stare out of the classroom window watching the girls play netball in their navy blue knickers.

A piece of chalk carefully aimed by Rushworth our technical drawing teacher hit me on the side of the head and I was threatened with half an hours detention if I didn’t pay attention and to start thinking about what was going on.

I started immediately to think how the hell did he see me when he had his back to us. Thought concluded that the sly old devil could see through his glasses against the blackboard.

Then it began to become serious. Innocently, I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up.

One thought led to another and soon I became more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone, just to take the edge off the day I told myself. I began deluding myself that I could control it. But it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was a full on, full time thinker, thinking all the time.

Things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's and was reticent to return.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, I couldn't help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to work fuddled and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the manager called me in. "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." she said

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with my manager. Arriving home I had to tell my wife Honey, I confess, I've been thinking, I can’t stop

I know you've been thinking, you’re always doing it, she said, I want a divorce!

Is it so serious I asked?

It is serious," she said, and her lower lip began to aquiver. You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we’ll be broke

That's a faulty syllogism, I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. I'm off to the library. I screamed slamming the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognise the line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch non-educational videos. Last week it was Jerry Springer, the week before, it was Rosie O Donnel.

Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today I registered to vote for The Liberal Party.

Creationism and The Bible literally

2007-05-30T06:35:00.000+02:00

Recent news about the museum opening, in where else but the good old US of A, depicting a six thousand year old Creationist World, prompted me to research further.

I took a good long hard look at why it makes sense to them.This is how I saw it;

A Jewish astronaut, a Zombie by all accounts, who was his own Father tells us that we can live forever if we symbolically eat his flesh and drink his blood.

Telepathically tell him we accept him as our master so he can remove an evil force from our souls present in humans because a rib created woman was convinced by a snake, to eat an apple from a magical tree- well it all makes good sound common sense doesn't it?
So Darwin, Copernicus, Crick and Wilson eat your hearts out-you were wrong!

Time for me to get back to The Church and reality.I've been deluding myself with science for far too long.

Chololate Jesus should be The Milky Bar Kid

2007-04-05T06:55:00.000+02:00

Did you hear the latest about "The Chocolate Jesus Sculpture" at the very special time of Easter? The time for tolerance, understanding and love. Some Evangelical leaders are up in arms for different reasons about this tasty work of art.
My belief is that without art and its interpretations that culture and life will die of boring look alikes.
How unfortunate then, that instead of Raphael, Michelangelo, Leonardo and the like that a modern interpretation of Jesus in dark chocolate should awaken such a furore of zealous criticism.
The Very Reverend Jerry Falwell issued a statement on behalf of God that “the Christian Right had no problem with the concept of an anatomically correct “Chocolate Jesus,” but was adamantly opposed to a “racially incorrect Chocolate Jesus.”
Now, remember this is a leader of the Church claiming in the strangest of ways that JC was in fact a white man!
Without any convincing argument he states categorically, “The Sweet Lord” exhibition, subsequently canceled after a cacophony of Catholics got their way in a land of free speech and hypocrisy, that the 100 kilos of milk chocolate, incorrectly implies that Jesus was a Blackman.

Of course, had white chocolate been used, I guess the art would have had its title changed to “The Milky Bar Kid”. So appeasing the “honky zealots”.
Pat Robertson, well known for his intimate knowledge of Religion, condemned the work of sweet art stating that the substantial penis also furthered the myth that JC was black. I guess it depends on what you are used to eh? Ah well Pat, I guess you drive a red Ferrari perhaps?
He also remarked that the penis was circumcised intimating JC was not only black but a Jew! Why not give the sculpture a glass eye and make it a monument to Sammy Davis Junior?
Black Evangelical minister Al Sharpton maintained that the sculpture was not black enough! It’s well known that white men can’t jump let alone rise.
Well at least our unfortunate cousins in the Good ol’ U.S of A have something to take their minds off which of the incompetents will be the next president.
I don't know, God moves in strange ways. Perhaps with the assistance of Exlax Chocolate?

the americanisation of a great language

2007-01-09T20:50:00.000+01:00

January 2007 ( Christ! time flies)

After recently receiving a letter from the Head of the Church of England, HMH Queen Elisabeth and one from the Vatican requesting, no ordering me to take a vacation and leave the church scandals that abound alone, I have at least for the moment, decided to refrain from making any further comment on religion.

So just for a change and acting upon information from MP Jeff Straw, UK Foreign Minister, that an adapted version of English is being instigated to level the playing field a little for our Germanic cousins.

The French as usual are up in arms, but in the interests of Egalitè this is the result:

“New language standards for EU” (the European Union for our American friends who don’t know anything outside of Denver and probably think its a fast food joint).

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,which was the other possibility (they must have been kidding).

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-inplan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve wil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Easy eh? You New Yorkers will feel at home with this. Just like Brooklyn. Those of you who are the slightest bit entreupereal will jump on the bandwagon and open a new language school immediately.

8 million New Yorkers you have a job for life. Teach Euro English. Lucky Devils. And I spent 12 years learning "proper" English like the Queen ( Elton). What a waste! My StumbleUpon Page My StumbleUpon Page

What is a bastard?

2006-12-13T02:24:00.000+01:00

This arrived on my doorstep recently. I enjoyed it so much I thought i should share it with all the bastards I know. It arrived anonymously so I cant give any credit but who ever you are thank you for the laugh of the year.

Quite often we ask ourselves hard to answer questions, like,

“What is a bastard?”

And we wax philosophic with metaphysical postulations, incomplete aphorisms, and inconsistent sophisms that make one more and more sure that the only true thing is that a picture is worth a thousand words.

In this photo, the guy on the right is a member of a bomb squad in the middle of a de-activation.

The guy behind him, well, he's a bastard.

My StumbleUpon Page

The Future of Mankind and the Humiliations

2006-11-17T17:30:00.000+01:00

The future, as I see it, is going to be a little humiliating. History shows how often our arrogance and religious zealousness has been challenged . Copernicus, Darwin, Crick and Watson changed the way we see ourselves. What else does the future hold to further dent our pride and question further the religious indoctrination we have been fed since children?

We have always thought of ourselves as special, and for good reason. As far as we know we are alone in the universe in churning out great works of art and literature, in formulating the laws of physics, and in the spectacle that is break dancing. Three major upheavals in scientific thinking have served to remind us that we are not so special after all. Upheavels that shook society and threatened religious thinking.

First came Copernicus in the16th century. He argued that the Earth was not at the centre of the solar system. He relegated our planet to one of many orbiting the sun and backed it up with mathematics. At once the whole notion that the earth was special was rendered obsolete and that must have been damn humbling , especially for the church. If Copernicus ruffled a few feathers saying Earth wasn't special, Darwin got more personal 300 years later by implying that humans weren't special either. The origin of the species, Darwin promoted the theory of evolution by natural selection, immediately suggesting that humans were just another kind of animal. It meant we weren’t the crowning glory of evolution; we were just hairless apes that happened to be a little smarter than our cousins "built" in Gods image?

A hundred years later, James Watson and Francis Crick unravelled the structure of DNA. It led to a further challenge to human and religious arrogance. We are in short, simply vessels of self replicating molecules, whose only purpose was to pass them on to another generation. All of these discoveries reeked havoc in the churches and in their in doctrines. Imagine 2000 years of "belief" questioned by irrefutable scientific evidence. No wonder early scientists were burnt at stake as heretics.

Now, my question. What's next? What will be the fourth revolution (revelation?)? Will it, like those before, force us to question once more what it means to be human? Whatever shape it takes, it may help humans to understand their condition rather than knock it down further.

The big question is why these revolutions don't make us profoundly sad. We are reduced to bags of chemicals with no free will, living on a normal planet, but we still find it exiting. I believe it's because we see ourselves as part of some grander scheme (maybe organised by God) but now with greater understanding. We're part of something larger than ourselves and once we identify with that, it is not degrading but ennobling. Can we expect in the next hundred years to understand in a general way how the human brain gives rise to what we perceive as the human mind?

The solution should be interesting, very complex but not in the end mysterious. It will be a great philosophical challenge to take on board, but we shall succeed because of our tremendous ability to adapt. We should feel, first, a modest pride in our ability to achieve such understanding, and more importantly a huge sense of collective responsibility in what we do with it. A humility that disclaims responsibility for its actions is dangerous and offers a real risk that our journey of exploring the universe will be cut off just as we are beginning in earnest. It could be that the next revolution will come from a combination of huge advances in genetics and stem cell research. Would it lead to a more egalitarian society?

Assuming that all humanity has access to these advances, everyone will benefit from regenerative medicine, which means we'll cure disease at an accelerated rate, we’ll live longer and finally we’ll be able to affect our genetic makeup. Making us all similar to one another because everyone will want the same thing. It raises huge ethical questions. There are those who do not wish mankind to achieve these abilities. But we are in an accelerated evolutionary phase. Personally, I don’t believe it can be stopped. Are we alone?

Look the elements that are most abundant in the cosmos; hydrogen, helium and oxygen, making the most common compound water. Next come carbon and nitrogen so four out of the five most common elements can make the organic compounds we all know and love. That says to me there is an accident waiting to happen. Total arrogance to think that life hasn't originated elsewhere in this great cosmos. Now how about if life on another planet was based on another code other than DNA? How will the churches explain away something so radical. Dont tell me it's theoretical, so was Darwins', Copernicus' and Crick and Wilsons' wasn't it?
What will it be? My StumbleUpon Page My StumbleUpon Page

Ordered from God

2006-07-31T04:29:00.000+02:00

I never cease to be amazed by the interpretation of the laws in various countries. But my American friends take first prize as usual.
I have just finished reading about Andrea Yates' re trial in Houston.
Under Texas insanity laws a delusioned person, as surely she must have been, acting under"orders " from God be judged not guilty by reason of insanity, but that a delusioned person acting under "orders" from Satan be judged sane!
The reasoning, it would seem that Yates knew that drowning her kids upon command from someone without moral authority (such as Satan) was wrong and as such did not qualify for insanity law protection.
Park Dietz, a forensic psychiatrist concluded the opposite in another child killing case because God had supposedly assured the mother that her kids would be better off dead.
I suppose Yates, at her retrial will now plead a case of mistaken identity.
Just confirms how idiotic religion and the law is. It also confirms that those acting in the name of God are totally mad. It's official.
Any way I'm back again.

My Gratitude to Religion

2006-06-10T07:47:00.000+02:00

If I have to be grateful for anything that religion has taught me, it is that God loves me and I am doomed to burn in Hell. The other is that sex is a filthy disgusting pastime and I should save it for someone I love.

Now, it’s no wonder that I am confused and my paranoia has provoked my questioning of religion. Take note that I give Religion a capital letter for once.

So with all that said I have strengthened my view that, the primary epiphenomenon of religion’s foundation is the production and flourishment of hypocrisy, megalomania and psychopathy.

The first casualties of a religion’s establishment are the intentions of its founder and so we apply religious morality only to people and things we dislike. It's called being judgemental, me thinks. But I know practising religions don’t do that do they? Make judgements about their fellow man, be it believers or not that is.

Makes sense eh?
Problem for me is the more I try to understand the more "the enlightened tell me just to have faith in Jesus and everything will be fine".
That I shouldn't question but just follow Jesus' word.

I have come to realise the more I delve the closer I come to going to Hell. My only redemption from all this is to give myself to God and the chances of me giving myself to that lot are infinitely zilch and getting less and less likely

Take good care. Keep getting the Joy you deserve.and don’t stop loving.

See you all soon.BC..

The search for the truth about "The Book"

2006-06-08T08:30:00.000+02:00

Well, after the reception of “The Worst Record Sleeves Ever” which was met by all with alacrity,I decided to get back to what is expected of me. The finding of truth in religion

“We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another”. -Jonathon Swift

I have just spent a good few hours reading “The Book”. I also took it upon myself to attempt to find some logic to this religious pandemic.

I spoke with Professor Alison Betts from Sydney University who has spent years on archaeological sites throughout the regions named in “The Book”. I asked about the history of all this belief and concluded the following:

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, and the earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the spirit of God was moving over the face of the waters." -Genesis. Right?

It's an oral history. It was passed down, word-of-mouth, father to son, from Adam to Seth, from Seth to Enos, from Enos to Cainan, for 40 generations, a growing, changing, story, it was handed down, word-of-mouth, father to son.

Until Moses finally gets his hands on it and puts it down on lambskin. But lambskins wear out, and need to be recopied.

Copies of copies of copies of copies of copies of copies of copies of an oral history passed down through 40 generations.

From Hebrew it's translated into Arabic, from Arabic to Latin, from Latin to Greek, from Greek to Russian, from Russian to German, from German to an old form of English that you could not read

Through 400 years of evolution of the English language to the book we have today, which is: a translation of a translation of a translation of a translation of a translation of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of an oral history passed down through 40 generations.

You can't put a grocery list through that many translations, copies, and re-telling, and not expect to have some big changes in the dinner menu when the kids get back from Tesco or Wal Mart.

Unless of course the real truth is in Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of The Christ”. Now here is a man who knows how to portray history with truth... Have you seen "The Patriot” or his other portrayals of History?

And yet people are killing each other over this passed down word. Listen, if you're killing someone in the name of God, then you are missing the point of why we are here...

There is an old adage in journalism, never more appropriate, “never let the truth get in the way of a good story”

See you soon. Take good care of each other. BC ("The Baldchemist")

The enigmatic future

2006-05-19T04:02:00.001+02:00

The future, as I see it, is going to be a little more humiliating for mankind.
Will we have dedicated servers to our minds and thoughts?

History shows how often our arrogance and dogma has been not only challenged but found seriously lacking in reality and truth.
Copernicus, Darwin, Crick and Watson changed the way we see ourselves. They dared to look outside the boundaries layed down for us in early childhood.
But what does the future hold to further dent our pride and question further the indoctrinations we are fed from an early age. The trusted scholars who held our trust still refusing to accept or even contemplate anything that questions the very hubris of our existence.

We have always thought of ourselves as special, and for good reason. As far as we know, we are alone in the universe in churning out great works of art and literature, in formulating the laws of physics, and in the spectacle that is break dancing.

Three major upheavals in scientific thinking have served to remind us that we are not so special after all. Upheavels that shook society and threatened religious doctrine. The major Christian beliefs crying out "heresy"!

The first of these upheavals came from the polish astronomer and mathematician Copernicus in the16th century.
He argued that the Earth was not at the centre of the solar system! He relegated our planet to one of many orbiting the sun and backed it up with mathematics.
At once the whole notion that the earth was special was rendered obsolete and that must have been damn humbling , especially for the church who cried heresy and humbug. Copernicus was even threatened with torture by church leaders for even daring to utter such. Only when his peers and fellow scientists confirmed his findings was the matter swept under the carpet to be held secret from the masses.
But if Copernicus got down and got dirty ruffling a few feathers saying Earth wasn't special, Darwin got more personal 300 years later by implying that humans weren't special either.
In "The Origin of the Species", Darwin promoted the theory of evolution by natural selection, immediately suggesting that humans were just another kind of animal. It meant we weren’t the crowning glory of evolution; we were just hairless apes that happened to be a little smarter than our cousins? The outrage this created is well documented. Church leaders once again crying foul and blasphemy. If only they had realised this wasnt God denying, but an attempt at understanding Gods work. Furthering and enforcing the suspicians of religious dogma.

A hundred years later, James Watson and Francis Crick unravelled the structure of DNA.
It led to a further challenge to human and religious arrogance. We are in short, simply vessels of self replicating molecules, whose only purpose was to pass them on to another generation. All of these discoveries reeked havoc in the churches and in their in doctrines. Imagine 2000 years of "belief" questioned by irrefutable scientific evidence. No wonder early scientists were burnt at stake as heretics.

But what's next? What will be the fourth revolution (revelation?)? Will it, like those before, force us to question once more what it means to be human?
Whatever shape it takes, it may help humans to understand their condition rather than knock it down further.

The big question is why these revolutions don't make us profoundly sad. We are reduced to bags of chemicals with no free will, living on a normal planet, but we still find it exiting.
I believe it's because we see ourselves as part of some grander scheme (maybe organised by God) but now with greater understanding. We're part of something larger than ourselves and once we identify with that, it is not degrading but ennobling.
Can we expect in the next hundred years to understand in a general way how the human brain gives rise to what we perceive as the human mind?

The solution should be interesting, very complex but not in the end mysterious. It will be a great philosophical challenge to take on board, but we shall succeed because of our tremendous ability to adapt.
We should feel, first, a modest pride in our ability to achieve such understanding, and more importantly a huge sense of collective responsibility in what we do with it. A humility that disclaims responsibility for its actions is dangerous and offers a real risk that our journey of exploring the universe will be cut off just as we are beginning in earnest.
It could be that the next revolution will come from a combination of huge advances in genetics and stem cell research. Would it lead to a more egalitarian society?

Assuming that all humanity has access to these advances, everyone will benefit from regenerative medicine, which means we'll cure disease at an accelerated rate, we’ll live longer and finally we’ll be able to affect our genetic makeup.
Hypertension and heart disease will will be a thing of the past.
We will become similar to one another because everyone will want the same thing. The benefits of cosmetic surgery contributing to the creation of our desired look.
We will all be living from the 'hollywood diet".

It raises huge ethical questions. There are those who do not wish mankind to achieve these abilities. But we are in an accelerated evolutionary phase. Personally, I don’t believe it can be stopped.
Perhaps we will discover long lost cousins on another planet.It prompts the question are we alone in this or other universums?
As I see it, the elements that are most abundant in the cosmos; hydrogen, helium and oxygen, make the most common compound of life water.
Next come carbon and nitrogen so four out of the five most common elements can make the organic compounds we all know and love. That says to me there is an accident waiting to happen or has happened.
There is thought of other planes of being unknown yet to our dimensions.

Total arrogance to think that life hasn't originated elsewhere in this great cosmos.
Now how about if life on another planet was based on another code other than DNA?

Dont tell me it's all theory and hypothesis, so was Darwins', Newton's, Copernicus' and Crick and Watsons' wasn't it?

Anonymous character assassination.

2006-05-07T05:16:00.000+02:00

I have recently been accused, anonymously, of heresy, ignorance and being in league with the Devil!

Well, my dear misguided friend. What a great shame that I have to take up your argument, your judgement of me and my character based upon my writings here on what is a fun poke at life. So be it.

You accuse me of, “using concepts that others have penned”. Yes, it's true I read Darwin’s, Crick & Wilson's thesis, Copernicus', Newton's and lots of other scientific writings. I enjoy errudite and qualified fact backed with good sensible proof. It's mind opening and refreshing to be able to think freely based upon the information in front of me. Is not the bible concepts that others have penned?

But let me correct you. You seem to be a staunch believer and yet I have my doubts. You condemn me as being the devils work and that I will rot in hell. That, “I do not seek the only one that loves me”. That, “God will hold me accountable for my writings”. The last time this sort of censorship went on was in Germany during Hitler’s term of office. How dare you condemn me for having free thought and having the balls to question what has brought so much pain and suffering to the world. You that supposedly teach tolerance, forgiveness and understanding!

I suggest you take a long look at your book, find out what was deliberately left out as being not suitable. You condemn other beliefs. “Their leader’s graves you can visit but Jesus you can’t”. Your words my friend.

Forget Hinn, Hubbard, Graham and follow Jesus you write. These are preachers of your beliefs are they not? How is it that all of you use the name Jesus and yet you can’t agree on whom to listen to?

“You are useless to mankind, even to yourself as long as your spiritual eyes remain closed”, you write of me based upon my narratives. What judgmental arrogance you display. Is this how you will articulate the word of God? Tell me and others who I'm sure would like to hear. What have you personally contributed to mankind during your stay?

My friend, open your eyes to other possibilities, try to understand other mindsets, how others perceive the world through their God.
I live by this adage. “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you”. I haven’t damned any individual in my rantings. I meet people with joy, an open heart and with the respect they and their beliefs deserve.

You, on the other hand have stated, "that some might think I have a demon in me and are full of pride and ignorance." You maybe correct about me being proud, but don’t confuse pride with arrogance. Ignorant? Well I'm sure that people that read the blog will judge that. I don’t claim to know all. That is why I try to ask the pertinent questions before I decide what my choices are, rather than blindly following what was enforced upon me from early childhood and is now seriously questionable. But thank you for the compliment anyway (regarding the demon in me).

Freedom of speech, the ability to say what you feel. Be thankful that today we have that. Where is the democracy in your particular belief/religion? What contribution did you make to your book? Isn't it so, you follow without question writings, that have been shown to be fallible?
Once again, I refer to Darwin, Copernicus, Crick & Wilson et al. Heretics by religious history guidlines. Or are the scientists all wrong?

Thank you for your response. May your God go with you. I'll take my chances for the time being. I am sure you will be forgiven for your judgement and condemnation of me. That’s what your belief is about isn't it?